Posts filed under 'Humour'

Show me the money, Jerry. Show me the money

From Wikipedia: “Cameron Crowe suggests reaching out to the people around us is the key to professional as well as personal success. The famous “Show me the money!” scene, featuring Rod Tidwell demanding Jerry scream his “family motto” back to him over the phone, epitomizes the empty values of those around Jerry, yet somewhat paradoxically it is Rod who serves as a role-model for the family values and personal attention that Jerry seeks. Crowe’s point is that the pursuit of financial success need not be incompatible with family values or personal relationships, simply that it should take second place to them.”

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jerry_Maguire


Add comment May 11, 2008

Dolphin cartoon

Dolphin cartoon by Ciaran Ryan

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The first cartoon I’ve drawn in ages. I still have not thrown away all of my pieces of paper…


Add comment April 27, 2008

How to heckle Eric Douglas

The story’s told that when Kirk Douglas’ son - Eric - was ‘dying’ on stage, he started to shout angrily at the audience “I’m  Kirk Douglas’  son!”.

Of course, members of the audience then started to shout back:

“No. I’m Kirk Douglas’ son!”

“No. I’m Kirk Douglas’ son!” etc


Add comment April 22, 2008

How many hairdressers does it take to change a lightbulb?

Yesterday I walked past a Tony & Guy salon. Inside, the hairdressers were having a meeting - seated together and taking notes.

This got me thinking…

Q: How many hairdressers does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: One (if the bulb just wants a Wayne Rooney shaved head style).
Or two or more - if it wants a more elaborate style, like what Tina Turner has.  

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For all you hairdresser joke fans out there, I’ve just done a quick google search and it seems that my joke is less hairdresser labour intensive than other hairdresser jokes. The usual response is:

A: Five. One to change the bulb and four to say “Marvellous Gary.”


Add comment April 17, 2008

Does Paul Daniels have negative buoyancy?

Does British magician Paul Daniels have negative buoyancy? Apparently he can’t use his swimming pool, because he sinks rather than floats.


Add comment April 15, 2008

The essence of a sit-com

Situation comedies need:

A hook - an intriguing situation with allows a strong plot (with conflict - the characters must be set against each other)

Dialogue - Every piece of dialogue must do three things:
1) Be funny (linked to other 2 and 3)
2) Advance the plot
3) Provide character background

Premise: Must be contemporary feeling (Yes minister was right for its time etc)


Add comment April 12, 2008

2008 Shrewsbury International Cartoon Festival

The 2008 Shrewsbury International Cartoon Festival will attract many top cartoonists to the Midlands in the UK for three days. Find out more here:

Shrewsbury cartoon festival 2008 preview - includes useful links

Also: there’s lots more information here:

The Bloghorn - The diary of the Professional Cartoonist’s Organisation.

Also: Thanks for leaving a comment Andy - I’ve admired your cartoons in Private Eye for many years.  I’d like to hold you to your offer of a caricature if I make it to Shrewsbury.

Find out more about Andy Davey’s cartoons here: http://www.andydavey.com


1 comment April 5, 2008

James Bond in a wig

I got told tonight that Sean Connery went bald at 21 and wore a wig in all of the James Bond films that he appeared in. I don’t think that this is true - but I’d like to believe it is - so I’m not going to investigate.

I like the idea of it - James fighting and dispatching the bad guys, then pausing to adjust his toupee. Or Bond 007 wooing the ladies - but not bending his neck too much in case his hairpiece falls off… or even better… Bond 007 fending off a huge fellow with metal gnashers with one hand - while his other hand is pressed down hard upon his wig - making sure it doesn’t fly off in the kerfuffle.


Add comment April 2, 2008

Hunter S Thompson in the UK

The Observer invited Hunter S Thompson to cover the Braemar Games in Scotland (Royals, whiskey and guns) in 1992. He never made it. He did visit London for three days though, as Robert Chalmers recounted in GQ magazine - 1999 - in an article called ‘Fear and loathing in the Edgware Road’.

My selection of what Robert wrote:

Friday September 4th, 1992. 8:25am: “Thompson has begun a commentary on the view from the rear window: ” Poor f***ing dingbats, slobbering idiots roaming in the streets, doom, death and decay.” (We have reached Clapham.)”

The gents toilet, the Fox and anchor, 10am: I am hailed by an animated, grey-haired man in a suit, standing on my right at the trough urinal. It’s only 10 o’clock he says, but by Christ, I’m pissed. He says he works for Dewhurst butchers, who are having a do in a function room upstairs; he looks like a regional manager, in town for the day and making the most of it. Behind him I can see Thompson (in the cubicle, but with the door wide open) vigorously snorting cocaine.

10:20 a.m..There follows a 10 minute gap in which Thompson is left upstairs unsupervised; in this time, which passes mercifully unrecorded, he appears to have wandered into the butcher’s convention and mingled. When he eventually reappears, Thompson is brandishing a battered hardback called The Games, a book which, he announces, is research material for his trip to Braemar, but which turns out to be a social history of bullfighting in Andalusia. He claims he was given it by one of the men from Dewhurst.

11 a.m., Hunter is rapidly descending into a amphetamine psychosis; rambling about not understanding his brief, not being taken care of, not knowing what he’s doing here. His conversation sounds like William Burroughs reading Finnegan’s Wake. I hail a black cab; Thompson emerges, snarling, from the fox and anchor. He is carrying a half pint glass full of neat whisky. As he sits down on the back, he turned to me and begins to speak. He says: I am a professional.

12.00pm, at his hotel:… Hunter is teetering on the balcony, peering out over the Edgware road with a pair of binoculars, muttering about dingbats in Canary Wharf. He is surprisingly keen on the Post Office Tower.

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Later, Robert found at the Metropole, a room service menu on which Thompson had written the nearest he had come to written reportage in the entire trip - on the cover was one word: Dorthe

see also:

Oscar Zeta Acosta - what happened to him? Thompson wrote about him in 1977

1981 film, where the Buffalo roam, based on the Oscar piece

the great shark Hunt — another book by Thompson


Add comment March 24, 2008

The ending is always negotiable

The ending is always negotiable.

I don’t know what this means - but I wrote it down 10 years ago - then put the scrap of paper in a box - and now I’ve typed it out and put it on here and it’s in your brain.

Good luck!


Add comment March 23, 2008

The Holy Roman Emperor lives in Teddington

The Holy Roman Emperor lives in Teddington

His Imperial and Royal Highness Prince Karl Fredericke Phillippe von Wettinberg.

His Imperial and Royal Highness Prince Karl Fredericke Phillipe Charles Louis Alexander Nicholas Leopold Albert Edward…


Add comment March 22, 2008

Why did the gardener plant bulbs?

q) Why did the gardener plant bulbs?

a) So the worms could see where they were going.


Add comment March 22, 2008

Serge Gainsbourg on his stretcher

Just had a heart attack 1973.

In his hallway on a stretcher - refused to be moved until the ambulancemen changed the orange blanket they had put over him. He said that the colours clashed, said Jane Birkin.

His life a struggle. The best form of revenge is to live well.


Add comment March 22, 2008

Disney’s secret weapon?

Disney’s secret weapon?

Playing on children’s fears of being alone, said Premiere magazine 1999.

Tarzan director Chris Buck:

“There is some sort of universal connection with the orphan… there are times in your life when you feel alone.”

Premiere:

Simba has “acute self loathing, a Peter Pan complex”

Tod the fox cub has “separation anxiety”

Therapist  Bernie Wooder: “Disney is very much appealing to abandonment… and seeing that it all turns out right in the end”


Add comment March 21, 2008

Michael Tasse

Michael Tasse got on a plane in 1999 - for a 300 mile trip - ended up travelling 7000 miles.


Add comment March 18, 2008

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